Heyy hestia, it's been a long time since I've posted anything. Yeah it's been one hell of a week I feel so burnt out before the term has even started. I think of everything I have to do and I feel like crumbling. But I know I can't, so I won't.
AND HAH please that happened to me too
So anyway, right now I think everyone is going through a tough time and it's hard to be optimistic but let's grit our teeth and clench our fists and just barrel through the rain. Everything good or bad, will come to an end, and when the rain is over, a warm and cozy home awaits us.
You know, I've always looked at ma'ams, be it Iris ma'ams, Zephyr ma'ams or Astraia ma'ams and thought they all looked so confident and sure of what to do, so in control of their lives and I would think that oh when I get to Sec 3 or 4 I'll be like them, I'll know what to do. But hah like that's the case. I'm(we're) at that stage that they were at but I still feel lost sometimes, I feel like stopping sometimes, I'm not what I thought I would be.
And that makes me wonder, did ma'ams really know what to do all the time? Did they really have that much confidence? When we look at adults and they all look so organised and sure, but do they really know what's going on? Or were they like me (or us idk) now?
Maybe they did falter. They did doubt themselves. They did question their own decisions. They do regret. They do break down. They do everything that everyone does.
Then I realise, as I type this now, that no matter what age you are, no matter how much experience, whether you are 10,15,20,50 or 70, we will never ever always know what to do, what is the 'right thing' to do.
So what to do? If we will never know what to do?
We do our best. I'll give my best, my everything and I hope that it is enough. We are all that we are, we can't be more than ourselves. We are the limiting factors. So in that sense, if we give our best and stretch the limits, that's the best we can do, that's everything we have, and it has to be enough. Even if it's not enough, we would have done our utmost. No regrets. No looking back.
But I know us, Hestia, our best is boundless if we do it together. We may not know what to do all the time, we may not be right all the time, we will make mistakes and we will fall.Our fire will smother and it will falter, but don't ever let it go out. We'll feed on our mistakes like fire on fuel, we'll analyse our mistakes, internalise them and then we'll grow bigger, stronger, fiercer, brighter, brilliant-er than before. We'll face winds and water but we'll be that stubborn cockroach which refuses to die and burn even brighter in defiance. We'll take our victories like firewood, our supporting structure, our main source. When things go wrong, think of our victories, and that'll keep us burning. And it'll be enough.
