*Skip if u don't wanna feel sad*

WARNING!!! IT'S AN EMOTIONAL RANT THAT SUDDENLY POPPED INTO MY HEAD AND WAS MAKING ME A BIT SAD SO I HAD TO TYPE IT OUT.

Have you guys ever thought about the future? What will happen to you? Have you ever looked back? N not regret your decisions? Well, I have done all those. But even as I regret some of my decisions, I realize 1 important fact. Without making those choices, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be what I am today. Nowadays, I look back to the past and laugh about the memories that I had with my brothers. These are not much. In fact, there is very little that I remember about interacting with my eldest brother in past. The things that I remember are so vague that at times, it might have been just dream that was so vivid.

I realize that as we grow older, we become more and more tainted. We become easily irritated and think that there is a deeper meaning to our friends' actions and words. When I look back, I saw myself trusting what my peers said, never doubting them. But as I grew, I become more and more suspicious of everyone. I held people at arms length, only letting them in bit by bit. Sometimes I wonder why do we have secrets? Why do we lie? Why do we not trust others willingly anymore? Does these have to do with our age or our experience or maybe even both? What can we do to bring us back to when we were young? The time when we were all not judgemental.

No one judged me for hanging around boys more than girls. No one judged me for always playing on the boys side during ice and water. No one judged me for studying with boys in my centre. No one judged me for playing with a guy. But that all changed when I hit P5. People judged me for being and doing all those. And I have to admit. The one thing that I regret most, is for letting the rumours about our friendship being a relationship get to us. I regret not cherishing our friendship more. I regret not doing anything and just sitting there letting the disaster strike. I regret being a coward who didn't know how to apologise. I regret losing the one friend who I would have counted a close one if not for what had happened. I may not regret my choices, but that is one thing that I really regret. But that is also the thing, that made me change. For better or worse, I still don't know. A few of you may know who I am talking about. But it doesn't matter. For we used to be friends. But what are we now? No more than strangers to me.